(Customer looks to the left and right, and doesn’t see me standing behind him.)

(Customer lifts shirt, and drops a tenderloin steak into his pants. )

Me: Um…excuse me.

Customer: Aww man! You saw that?

Me: Yes. I did.

(He pulls the steak out of his pants and tries to hand it to me. )

Me: I don’t want to touch that!

Customer: It’s okay. It didn’t touch anything. I have a real small penis.

Change My Mind

Customer: One pound of swordfish.

Me: Here ya go!

Customer: I read the sign wrong. I thought it was $5.99 not $15.99. Can I switch it out for the snapper?

Me: Sure. Here ya go.

Customer: I said snapper.

Me: That’s what I gave you.

Customer: (pointing) Snapper.

Me: That’s flounder. The signs are in front of the fish; that’s snapper behind the flounder.

Customer: I’ll do the flounder.

Me: Here ya go.

Customer: Wait. The flounder is way more expensive. I’ll take the snapper.

Me: Here ya go.

Feeling Old

Customer: Why are the T-bones so cheap?

Me: They’re just the sale item this week.

Customer: What’s wrong with them? Are they old?

Me: No. I just got them in. They’re just on sale.

Customer: No way. I know how you operate. You put old stuff on sale. I’m not falling for that!

(She proceeds to buy a fillet mignon, the sale item from last week)

Dinner Time

Me: Here are your crab legs. Careful they’re hot. I just took them out of the steamer.  

Customer: Can you steam a pound of shrimp too?  

Me: Sure.  

(She opens the bag and starts eating the crab. )  

Customer: You want one? 

Me: No thanks.  

(I give her the shrimp and notice she’s cracked open a beer and is drinking it) 

Customer: You want anything from the store? 

Me: Um....I’m good.  

Down On The Farm

Customer: There’s so many types of Salmon. Why is that? What’s the difference between Farm Raised Salmon and Wild Caught Salmon?

(I go into all of the differences between the types of salmon. Dietary differences, environmental differences, etc)

Customer: (blank stare) 

Me: The Farm Raised Salmon is…raised on a farm. The Wild Caught is..um…caught in the wild.

Customer: Okay. I’ll take the farm raised.