(Customer looks to the left and right, and doesn’t see me standing behind him.)

(Customer lifts shirt, and drops a tenderloin steak into his pants. )

Me: Um…excuse me.

Customer: Aww man! You saw that?

Me: Yes. I did.

(He pulls the steak out of his pants and tries to hand it to me. )

Me: I don’t want to touch that!

Customer: It’s okay. It didn’t touch anything. I have a real small penis.

To Go Order

Customer: I want to put these shrimp in an Alfredo sauce. Would they work?

Me: Of course!

Customer: Could I use these clams too? I’ve never cooked clams before.

(I spend a few minutes explaining to him how to cook them, what else to add to the sauce, etc. I take him over to the spice aisle and get him everything he needs)

Customer: Thanks, man!

Me: Have a good day!

(Five minutes later the Customer Service Clerk walks back)

Clerk: Did you help the guy with the seafood and all the sauces and stuff?

Me: I did.

Clerk: He shoved all that stuff into his book bag and left without paying.