Re-repack

(The department is closed. I’m leaving to go home) 

Customer: What happened to the steaks? 

Me: We closed an hour ago. I’ve got a bunch of steaks out here, we’ve just closed down the stuff under the glass. 

Customer: These are all two packs. I only want one steak. 

Me: I can break one open for you. 

(I open the pack and wrap the steaks separately) 

Customer: Wow. That’s a good sale. Only $5 a steak! You know what, I’ll take them both. 

Me: Great. 

Customer: Can you package them together?

Be Careful

(I am frantically cutting meat trying to fill a counter after 3 days of snow, no trucks, and tons of business. )

Me: Can I help you?

Customer: Yeah. You’re cutting what I need. 

Me: Top sirloin? 

Customer: Oh, I thought that was fillet mignon. 

Me: It’ll take me 10 minutes, but I can cut you a few. 

Customer: I’ll wait. 

Me: Okay. 

Customer: You know, I went to my office on Broad Street this morning. The sidewalks are so icy. 

Me: Yeah. It’s pretty rough out there. 

Customer: It’s really dangerous. There is no reason that anyone should be out on the roads. 

Me: Yeah….um….here’s your steak. Be safe out there. 

And…Cut!

Customer: Can I get these hocks sliced.

Me: Um….we can’t really do that. They’re so small, there’s no leverage on the saw. They can flip. It’s not very safe.

Customer: (Eye roll) So you won’t cut them on your saw?

Me: (to coworker) You want to cut these hocks? I’m uncomfortable doing it.

Coworker: I’m not either. They’re too small. They’ll roll on the saw.

Customer: Just do it. Do I need to get a manager.

(We stand in silence for a little. It’s clear she’s not taking no for an answer. It’s uncomfortable. )

Me: Um….it’s gonna take a little time . Swing back by in five minutes.

(I cut them on the saw. They predictably roll and flip. I nick myself on the saw blade. -it’s not bad. I’ve had worse.)

Me: Here are your hocks.

Customer: And see you didn’t cut yourself. (Seeing the bandaid in my hand) Oh….you did cut yourself…..uh…..um….well, we’ll think of you when we eat these.

Anything Else?

Me: Here’s your shrimp. Anything else I can get you?

Customer: That’s it.

Me: Have a nice da-

Customer: I want some steaks. Two ribeyes.

Me: Anything else?

Customer: No.

Me: Have a-

Customer: Three pork chops.

Me: Okay. Is that all?

Customer: Yes.

Me: Here you go-

Customer: One salmon fillet.

Me: Sure. Will that complete your order?

Customer: Yes.

Me: Have-

Customer: I want chicken breasts.

(Customer looks to the left and right, and doesn’t see me standing behind him.)

(Customer lifts shirt, and drops a tenderloin steak into his pants. )

Me: Um…excuse me.

Customer: Aww man! You saw that?

Me: Yes. I did.

(He pulls the steak out of his pants and tries to hand it to me. )

Me: I don’t want to touch that!

Customer: It’s okay. It didn’t touch anything. I have a real small penis.

Focus

Customer: Can I have a little over a pound and a half of hamburger?  

Me: Sure thing. 

Customer: How much was that?  

Me: 1.65 lbs.  

Customer: That’s a lot. Take out a pound. I just  want a little over half a pound. 

Me: Okay.  

Customer: You need to focus a bit more. There’s no way I could eat that by myself. 

Me: I didn’t know you wanted one serving.  

Customer: First day?