Change My Mind

Customer: One pound of swordfish.

Me: Here ya go!

Customer: I read the sign wrong. I thought it was $5.99 not $15.99. Can I switch it out for the snapper?

Me: Sure. Here ya go.

Customer: I said snapper.

Me: That’s what I gave you.

Customer: (pointing) Snapper.

Me: That’s flounder. The signs are in front of the fish; that’s snapper behind the flounder.

Customer: I’ll do the flounder.

Me: Here ya go.

Customer: Wait. The flounder is way more expensive. I’ll take the snapper.

Me: Here ya go.

Don’t Get Fresh

Customer: What do you mean the Alaskan Salmon is  previously frozen?!?

Me: The season hasn’t opened in Alaska yet. We’ll get the fresh stuff in a few more weeks.  

Customer: You shouldn’t label it wild then. Wild means not frozen.  

Me: Um...:Wild means it isn’t farm raised.  

Customer: Suuure....then what do you label it when it’s fresh?!? 

Me: Um.....well.....it will be labeled fresh.  

Like A Lamb to Slaughter

Customer: Where’s your lamb?  

Me: Right here!  

Customer: I’m not Jewish.  

Me: I’m sorry?

Customer: I want normal lamb. I’m not Jewish.  

Me: I’m still not following.  

Customer: (Holding up package) “Seder farms.” I’m not Jewish! I want normal lamb! 

Me: That’s pronounced “Cedar Farms”. It’s the brand name.   

Customer: Ah.  

Snooze Button

Customer: I guess someone forgot to set their alarm.  

Me: What?  

Customer: Aww....somebody overslept.  

Me: I still don’t understand.  

Customer: Where is everything? You just get here? 

Me: The department doesn’t open for another 3 hours. We’re setting up now.  

Customer: Well.....you should have a sign.  

(I point to the sign, that is directly in front of her)  

Customer: Could you please get me some salmon out of the back...please.  

Misinformation

Customer: This is disgusting! You support LONG LINE FISHING?!?! 

Me: I’m sorry?  

Customer: This sign says the tuna was long line caught. That’s irresponsible. Do you know what that does to the environment? 

Me: Long line isn’t destructive. They bait individual hooks so they can bring up only what they need. I think you’re thinking of trawling. They drag a net along the ocean floor, it’s the only way to catch shrimp or bottom dwelling fish.  

Customer: That’s what I meant. I thought it was called long line fishing.  

(She looks at the counter for a few seconds.) 

Customer: This sign says the flounder is trawl caught. That’s disgusting. How can you support that?! I’d like to speak to a manager. You need to tell your corporate offices to stop this!  

Me: I’ll get you a manager.  

Wild At Heart

Customer: Do you have any wild caught salmon?

Me: Yes, I do. Right here. Some WILD CAUGHT sockeye salmon.

Customer: Ehhh...sockeye? Is that all you have?

Me: Yeah. When it's out of season, the only WILD salmon I can get is sockeye. It's really good, though. Sockeye is some of the best WILD CAUGHT salmon.

Customer: Okay. I'll take a pound.

(I give it to her. She turns and walks away. Then she runs back over)

Customer: Wait. This is wild salmon, right?

Me: Yeah. It's still wild.

Customer: Great. Thanks!

Sign, Sign, Everywhere A Sign

 (The Customer Service Clerk walks back with a Customer)

Customer: See. That pack of chicken should be $2.99. Look at the sign.

Customer Service Clerk: That sign means it $2.99 a pound.

Customer: Oh...uh....well...it's not very clear.

Customer Service Clerk: It says per pound. The "lb" is right beside the price.

Customer: Yeah...well....I'm not used to that. That's not the way you guys normally do it.

Customer Service Clerk: Excuse me. Did you guys just start using these signs?

Me: I mean, those are the same type of signs we've had the entire time I've worked here.

Customer: Yeah, but how long has this guy worked here? That's not saying much.

Me: Ive been here for awhile. It will be 19 years in July.

Customer: The sign is dumb.

Let Me Count The Ways

Customer : You’re r lying to your customers. That sign says there are 51- 60 shrimp in a pound.  Those shrimp aren't 51/60 count.

Me: Uh....yes, ma'am they are. I can show you the box.

Customer: They're too big to be 51/60s. You're telling me 60 of those would make a pound? You're lying.

(I count out 15 shrimp and weigh them)

Me: That's 15. It's about a quarter of a pound. So four of those would be about a 60 shrimp.

Customer : Look, I'm a local. I go shrimping. There's no way there 50 or 60 of those in a pound.

(I count out 50, throw out on the scale, it's a little shy of a pound. I put on 8 more. It's now a pound)

Me: That's 58. A pound on the dot.

Customer: Wow. I could have sworn it wasn't that much.

Me: How much did you want?

Customer: Oh, I don't want any. (Walks away)