Show and Smell

Customer: Can I smell the salmon?

Me: Sure! We just got it in yesterday.

Customer: (smelling it) Nope. I don’t want it. I got fish from another store last week and I didn’t like the way it smelled.

Me: I’m sorry to hear that.

Customer: I bought shrimp off of a shrimp boat the other day. I didn’t like the way it smelled.

Me: I would think the shrimp off the boat would be fresh.

Customer: They has just caught it. I didn’t like the way it smelled.

Sound Of Silence

Me: Hi! How are you today?

(The Customer looks up at me, says nothing, then looks back down.)

Me: (10 seconds later) Can I get you anything today?

(Customer looks up at me then looks back down.)

Me: (10 seconds later) : Just let me know if you need anything.

(Looks up and down again)

(I walk away)

Customer: Come back! I need help.

Me: What can I get you?

(Customer looks up at me, says nothing, looks back down.)

(I stand there while she shops around. She leaves without saying anything.)

And…Cut!

Customer: Can I get these hocks sliced.

Me: Um….we can’t really do that. They’re so small, there’s no leverage on the saw. They can flip. It’s not very safe.

Customer: (Eye roll) So you won’t cut them on your saw?

Me: (to coworker) You want to cut these hocks? I’m uncomfortable doing it.

Coworker: I’m not either. They’re too small. They’ll roll on the saw.

Customer: Just do it. Do I need to get a manager.

(We stand in silence for a little. It’s clear she’s not taking no for an answer. It’s uncomfortable. )

Me: Um….it’s gonna take a little time . Swing back by in five minutes.

(I cut them on the saw. They predictably roll and flip. I nick myself on the saw blade. -it’s not bad. I’ve had worse.)

Me: Here are your hocks.

Customer: And see you didn’t cut yourself. (Seeing the bandaid in my hand) Oh….you did cut yourself…..uh…..um….well, we’ll think of you when we eat these.

Anything Else?

Me: Here’s your shrimp. Anything else I can get you?

Customer: That’s it.

Me: Have a nice da-

Customer: I want some steaks. Two ribeyes.

Me: Anything else?

Customer: No.

Me: Have a-

Customer: Three pork chops.

Me: Okay. Is that all?

Customer: Yes.

Me: Here you go-

Customer: One salmon fillet.

Me: Sure. Will that complete your order?

Customer: Yes.

Me: Have-

Customer: I want chicken breasts.

Change My Mind

Customer: One pound of swordfish.

Me: Here ya go!

Customer: I read the sign wrong. I thought it was $5.99 not $15.99. Can I switch it out for the snapper?

Me: Sure. Here ya go.

Customer: I said snapper.

Me: That’s what I gave you.

Customer: (pointing) Snapper.

Me: That’s flounder. The signs are in front of the fish; that’s snapper behind the flounder.

Customer: I’ll do the flounder.

Me: Here ya go.

Customer: Wait. The flounder is way more expensive. I’ll take the snapper.

Me: Here ya go.

Feeling Old

Customer: Why are the T-bones so cheap?

Me: They’re just the sale item this week.

Customer: What’s wrong with them? Are they old?

Me: No. I just got them in. They’re just on sale.

Customer: No way. I know how you operate. You put old stuff on sale. I’m not falling for that!

(She proceeds to buy a fillet mignon, the sale item from last week)

Dinner Time

Me: Here are your crab legs. Careful they’re hot. I just took them out of the steamer.  

Customer: Can you steam a pound of shrimp too?  

Me: Sure.  

(She opens the bag and starts eating the crab. )  

Customer: You want one? 

Me: No thanks.  

(I give her the shrimp and notice she’s cracked open a beer and is drinking it) 

Customer: You want anything from the store? 

Me: Um....I’m good.  

Down On The Farm

Customer: There’s so many types of Salmon. Why is that? What’s the difference between Farm Raised Salmon and Wild Caught Salmon?

(I go into all of the differences between the types of salmon. Dietary differences, environmental differences, etc)

Customer: (blank stare) 

Me: The Farm Raised Salmon is…raised on a farm. The Wild Caught is..um…caught in the wild.

Customer: Okay. I’ll take the farm raised.

Don’t Get Fresh

Customer: What do you mean the Alaskan Salmon is  previously frozen?!?

Me: The season hasn’t opened in Alaska yet. We’ll get the fresh stuff in a few more weeks.  

Customer: You shouldn’t label it wild then. Wild means not frozen.  

Me: Um...:Wild means it isn’t farm raised.  

Customer: Suuure....then what do you label it when it’s fresh?!? 

Me: Um.....well.....it will be labeled fresh.  

Focus

Customer: Can I have a little over a pound and a half of hamburger?  

Me: Sure thing. 

Customer: How much was that?  

Me: 1.65 lbs.  

Customer: That’s a lot. Take out a pound. I just  want a little over half a pound. 

Me: Okay.  

Customer: You need to focus a bit more. There’s no way I could eat that by myself. 

Me: I didn’t know you wanted one serving.  

Customer: First day? 

How Much Is That Shrimp In The Window

Customer: One pound of shrimp.  

Me: Sure thing!  

(I start putting shrimp in a bag. I stop to throw it on the scale to see where I’m at)  

Customer: Can I look at that?  

(I show him how much is in the bag) 

Customer: How much is that?  

Me: (putting it back on the scale) 3/4 of a pound.  

Customer: I wanted a pound.  

Me: I wasn’t finished yet.  

(I put some more shrimp in the bag) 

Customer:Okay.  That’s fine right there.  

(I put in on the scale to print a price) 

Customer: How much was it? 

Me: .87 of a pound.  

Customer: ONE POUND!! How hard is that?!