Which one?

Customer: Is it possible for me to get some of the bacon you keep in the case?

Me: Sure thing!

Customer: It’s the hickory smoked.

Me: I’ve got it here.

Customer: The one that’s cut about this thick.

Me: How much do you need?

Customer: It’s like $4.99 a lb.

Me: Yep. I’ve got it.

Customer: There’s the sign for it.

Me: Yes. How much?

Customer: It’s hickory smoked.

You’ve got a phone call

Customer: (talking on cellphone) They’ve got salmon. Do you want some? (To me) One pound of salmon.

Me: Farm raised or wild caught?

Customer: (To phone) They’ve got two kinds. What kind do you want? I don’t know....I don’t know. (To me) Here, talk to her.

Me: With everything going on, I’m not comfortable touching your phone.

Customer: Don’t be such a baby! Take the goddamned phone!

Me: I’m sorry. I’m not going to do that.

Customer: I’m the goddamned customer. You do what I say!

Me: I’d be more than happy to explain the difference between the salmon..

Customer: Fuck you! I’m getting a manager!

Weird

(A woman wearing an N-95 mask literally walks back into my department while I had my back turned, washing a knife.)

Customer: Hellllooooo! Do y’all have any whole chickens?

Me: I’m sorry ma’am but if there are none in the case, I’m out.

(She keeps walking towards me, even though I’m moving back to keep it at 6ft.)

Customer: Well that’s unusual.

Me: It’s not that unusual lately.

Customer: Really? Weird! I wonder why....

(She walks away.)

Shifty

Customer: (on phone) I used the Shift app yesterday and I’m not happy with the product I got. The ribeye was not at thick as I like, the asparagus could have been fresher, and they brought the wrong type of shrimp.

Me: I’m sorry ma’am. We can cut to whatever thickness you like-

Customer: That’s not good enough!! Shift brought me the wrong stuff! It’s unacceptable!

Me: Again, I apologize, but the people that shop for Shift aren’t store employees. There isn’t much I can do.

Customer: I want your corporate number. Me: Sure. Hold on.

Shoot yourself In The Foot

(The store has been opening an hour early so that senior citizens can shop.)

Customer: Why don’t you have any chickens?!

Me: My truck isn’t here yet.

Customer: You should get your trucks early!

Me: They used to come in at 5am, but the neighborhood complained about hearing the trucks. They threatened to stop shopping if we didn’t change it. Now they can’t come in before 8.

Customer: ….I remember voting in favor of that..