Show and Smell

Customer: Can I smell the salmon?

Me: Sure! We just got it in yesterday.

Customer: (smelling it) Nope. I don’t want it. I got fish from another store last week and I didn’t like the way it smelled.

Me: I’m sorry to hear that.

Customer: I bought shrimp off of a shrimp boat the other day. I didn’t like the way it smelled.

Me: I would think the shrimp off the boat would be fresh.

Customer: They has just caught it. I didn’t like the way it smelled.

And…Cut!

Customer: Can I get these hocks sliced.

Me: Um….we can’t really do that. They’re so small, there’s no leverage on the saw. They can flip. It’s not very safe.

Customer: (Eye roll) So you won’t cut them on your saw?

Me: (to coworker) You want to cut these hocks? I’m uncomfortable doing it.

Coworker: I’m not either. They’re too small. They’ll roll on the saw.

Customer: Just do it. Do I need to get a manager.

(We stand in silence for a little. It’s clear she’s not taking no for an answer. It’s uncomfortable. )

Me: Um….it’s gonna take a little time . Swing back by in five minutes.

(I cut them on the saw. They predictably roll and flip. I nick myself on the saw blade. -it’s not bad. I’ve had worse.)

Me: Here are your hocks.

Customer: And see you didn’t cut yourself. (Seeing the bandaid in my hand) Oh….you did cut yourself…..uh…..um….well, we’ll think of you when we eat these.

Anything Else?

Me: Here’s your shrimp. Anything else I can get you?

Customer: That’s it.

Me: Have a nice da-

Customer: I want some steaks. Two ribeyes.

Me: Anything else?

Customer: No.

Me: Have a-

Customer: Three pork chops.

Me: Okay. Is that all?

Customer: Yes.

Me: Here you go-

Customer: One salmon fillet.

Me: Sure. Will that complete your order?

Customer: Yes.

Me: Have-

Customer: I want chicken breasts.

Change My Mind

Customer: One pound of swordfish.

Me: Here ya go!

Customer: I read the sign wrong. I thought it was $5.99 not $15.99. Can I switch it out for the snapper?

Me: Sure. Here ya go.

Customer: I said snapper.

Me: That’s what I gave you.

Customer: (pointing) Snapper.

Me: That’s flounder. The signs are in front of the fish; that’s snapper behind the flounder.

Customer: I’ll do the flounder.

Me: Here ya go.

Customer: Wait. The flounder is way more expensive. I’ll take the snapper.

Me: Here ya go.

Down On The Farm

Customer: There’s so many types of Salmon. Why is that? What’s the difference between Farm Raised Salmon and Wild Caught Salmon?

(I go into all of the differences between the types of salmon. Dietary differences, environmental differences, etc)

Customer: (blank stare) 

Me: The Farm Raised Salmon is…raised on a farm. The Wild Caught is..um…caught in the wild.

Customer: Okay. I’ll take the farm raised.

I See You

Customer: I want this crab leg.  

Me: You have to help me out a little. I can’t see through the case from back here.  

Customer: It’s right here. Where my hand is.  

Me: This one? I can’t see your hand.

Customer: I don’t know how else to describe it, dude. Better figure it out.

Me: The one to the left? Or the right? 

Customer: Left. Sorry. I should have just said that.  

It’s a Thin Line

Customer: I want those front two porterhouse steaks. Can you slice them in half?  

Me: They’re a little to small for me to put back on the saw.  I’ve got some thinner ones here or I can cut- 

Customer: Somebody doesn’t feel like working today.  

Me: I was saying I can cut you some thinner ones off of the loin I’m cutting now. 

Customer: Let’s do that. 

Ground Beef

Customer: I’d like a rib roast with out any bones.  

Me: So a bone in rib roast with the bones cut off.  

Customer: No. I don’t want there to be any bones.  

Me: Well, I can give you a bones ribeye roast, but it’s more expensive that way. It works out to be cheaper if you buy the bone in one and I cut it off. Plus you can keep the back ribs I cut off.  

Customer: I don’t want there to have been any bones....like ever. 

Me: I don’t understand.  

Customer: I read that up north they’re raising cattle with no bones.  

Me: I don’t think I’ve heard of that.  

Customer: I read an internet article.  

Can You Be More Specific

Customer: I need to put in an order for some fondue meat. 

Me: Sure thing! How much are you looking to get?  

Customer: A lot!  

Me: Um...okay. How much is that?  

(Blank Stare)  

Me: How many people are you  serving?  

Customer: A bunch!  

Me: If you tell me a rough estimate, I can figure out how much you need. Roughly, 8oz is a serving size.  

(Blank Stare)  

Customer’s Wife: Jesus, Ed. It’s not that hard. We’re serving 7 people for Christmas.  

Me: Okay. I can do that! When would you like to pick it up?  

Customer: The 21st, the 22nd, or the 23rd. Or maybe I’ll come in on the 24th! I’ll let you know when I show up!! 

 

 

Eenie Meenie Miney Mo

Customer: How many shrimp are in a pound?

Me: There's about 30-40 in a pound.

Customer: Okay. I'll take a pound please.

(I start getting the shrimp)

Customer: Wait! Wait! Wait! I haven't told you which shrimp I wanted.

Me: I'm sorry. I thought you were pointing to this shrimp here in the middle.

Customer: That's right. But I haven't told you which shrimp yet. There's one sitting here near the front that I want.

(I try to reach the shrimp she's pointing at. Keep in mind because of the glass, I can't really tell where she is pointing)

Customer: No. Not that one. To the left. No. My left. Yes, that one. Now near the back is another one I want. It's kinda pointed to the left.

(After she hand selects each shrimp, I put the bag on the scale.)

Me: It's a little over a pound.

Customer: Take five shrimp out.

(I reach into the bag.)

Customer: Wait! Wait! dump them out, so I can tell you which five I'd like to lose.