Chief

(The city has been shit down because of a snowstorm.)

Customer: Is that everything you got out there?

Me: Yes, sir. We…..

Customer: What the hell happened? I mean what’s the big deal?!

Me: Well, we haven’t gotten a truck in 3 days. I’ve got a truck coming in today, but I don’t know when to expect it. It could be any minute or it could be tonight. 

Customer: That’s shit. The roads are fine, chief!

(He storms away before I can tell him our trucks come from NC)

Last Resort

 (I'm walking up to the store. There's plywood on the windows, the lights are off, we are not open yet)

(Two guys in a BMW pull up, blaring Papa Roach music)

Customer: You guys aren't open.

Me: No. We have to go through a little before we're ready to serve customers.

Customer: Great! Where am I supposed to get my Starbucks?!

(they speed away, tires literally squealing)

No way, Hosana

Customer: Do you have any chicken wings?

(The entire meat case is empty. I'm working out of three carts to fill the two foot section I'm standing at)

Me: I don't know, yet. We're still working on figuring out what we have and what survived the storm. I won't know for a while.

Customer: (pointing to an item in my cart. ) What's that?

Me: Corned beef.

Customer: That's just what I wanted.

(She picks it up)

Customer: How much is it?

Me: There's a price tag on it.

Customer: Full price?

Me: Yes, ma'am.

Customer: (Throwing it back into the counter, not the cart she got it out of) I'm not paying full price. Uh uh. No I'm not, Hosana.

Under Glass

Customer: I want some tenderloin steaks!

Me: I just cut some. They're in the counter.

Customers: I like the ones I pick out under the glass.

Me: I just cut those 30 mins ago. We're not setting up the "under the glass" stuff today. We're trying to get set back up after the hurricane.

Customer: I don't buy my steaks out of a pack. When the hell will the glass be set up?

Me: Probably not until tomorrow.

Customer: Fan-fucking-tastic