Dinner Time

Me: Here are your crab legs. Careful they’re hot. I just took them out of the steamer.  

Customer: Can you steam a pound of shrimp too?  

Me: Sure.  

(She opens the bag and starts eating the crab. )  

Customer: You want one? 

Me: No thanks.  

(I give her the shrimp and notice she’s cracked open a beer and is drinking it) 

Customer: You want anything from the store? 

Me: Um....I’m good.  

Southern Salmon

Customer: Where’s your local salmon?  

Me: We don’t get salmon from around here.  

Customer: Why the hell not?! 

Me: There isn’t salmon that comes from Charleston.  

Customer: You don’t know what you’re talking about!!  I’ve gotten Cooper River Salmon here before. The Cooper River is right out back! I mean, hello?

Me: We get Copper River Salmon from the Copper River in Alaska.  The season opens up next month.

Customer: You guys should label it better. 

Where Am I?

Customer: (looking around the meat department) Do you guys have fresh bread around here?

Me: Yeah. We've got a bakery on (I make a gesture indicating the direction) the other side of the store.

Customer: (turning to look directly behind her at the frozen seafood case) Where? Behind me? (She opens a door, revealing frozen shrimp) Where's the bread?

Me: Um... is on the other side of the store. You have to walk down this aisle.

Irregular Customer

Customer: Do you do rotisserie chickens here?

Me: They do in the deli on the other side of the store.

Customer: We're not familiar with the store. Where is that?

Me: The deli is on the opposite side of the store.

Customer: We. Are. Not. Regular. Customers. Do you have a place with cooked foods like rotisserie chickens?!

Me: Yes, ma'am. The deli does. It is as far as you can walk that way, on the other side of the store from us.

Customer: You should have answered my question the first time.