Real Stories. Real Customers. Real Funny.
Customer: Where’s the guacamole?
Me: That’s over in produce.
Customer: They just sent me over here!
Me: I don’t have stuff like that over here. It’s in produce.
Customer: I was just there! The place with all the bread!
Me: That’s the bakery. Produce is the place with the vegetables. Right there.
Customer: Okay.
Customer: I want you to cut me two 5oz ribeyes.
Me: I’ve got a couple of orders ahead of you. There are a few about that size out here in the case.
Customer: If I wanted the ones out there, I’d be out there!! I’m at the counter because I want you to cut them!
Customer: (gesturing at the empty case) What time do you put out the seafood?
Me: The seafood department opens at 10. What did you need? I can get you whatever you wanted.
Customer: I want some cheese.
Me: Um...the deli is on the other side of the store. What did you need from the seafood department?
Customer: (walking away) Just the cheese.
Customer: Is the “Alaskan King Crab Legs” local?
Customer: How much is this Dasani?
Me: I don’t know. I can...
Customer: You can read the barcode?!
Me: There’s not a scanner back here. I can...
Customer: You can’t read the barcode?!
Me: You have to use a scanner. I can’t read it by sight. I can...
Customer: That’s some shit.
Me: I can take it up front and scan it.
Customer: (Eye roll) I can do that! (Walks away)
Customer: You got any mayo packets?
Me: No, Sir. They do in the deli on the other side of the store.
Customer: You should have them over here too!
Me: I don’t have ready to eat stuff over here.
Customer: Yeah…well…. I don’t want to walk around for stuff. You should have saved me a trip.
Customer: All this meat looks raw.
Me: Um…it is raw.
Customer: Can you cook it?
Me: I don’t really have a way to do that.
Customer: What type of restaurant is this?!
Me: It’s a grocery store.
Customer: Still. Come on!
Me: Here are your crab legs. Careful they’re hot. I just took them out of the steamer.
Customer: Can you steam a pound of shrimp too?
Me: Sure.
(She opens the bag and starts eating the crab. )
Customer: You want one?
Me: No thanks.
(I give her the shrimp and notice she’s cracked open a beer and is drinking it)
Customer: You want anything from the store?
Me: Um....I’m good.
Customer: Where’s the deli?
Me: On the other side of the store.
Customer: Jesus. Why?!?!
Customer: Where’s your local salmon?
Me: We don’t get salmon from around here.
Customer: Why the hell not?!
Me: There isn’t salmon that comes from Charleston.
Customer: You don’t know what you’re talking about!! I’ve gotten Cooper River Salmon here before. The Cooper River is right out back! I mean, hello?
Me: We get Copper River Salmon from the Copper River in Alaska. The season opens up next month.
Customer: You guys should label it better.
Customer: Do you have any salmon besides the Alaskan?
Me: I’ve got some farm raised from Chile.
Customer: CHILE IS ON THE PACIFIC COAST!! ITS THE SAME SALMON!!! BUY A MAP!!!
Me: Here's your shrimp.
Customer: Yeah. Thanks. You got any pork chops? All I see is fish.
Me: This is my seafood case. I’ve got a meat case right there.
Customer: Uh...you got steaks too?
Me: Um....yeah...same counter. We've got a full selection of meat. Beef, Pork, chicken, turkey....
Customer: You guys rock.
Customer: Do you have subs?
Me: They do on the other side of the store.
Customer: But....but...but that’s on the other side of the store!
(He rolls his eyes and stomps away)
Customer: Is this where you make sandwiches?
Me: No that's in the deli on the other side....
Customer: Of the STORE?!?
Me: Um...yeah... on the other side of the store.
Customer: You sell gizzards.
Me: I do. I'm out right now. All I've got are chicken livers.
Customer: WHAT KIND OF STORE IS THIS!?!?
Customer: (looking around the meat department) Do you guys have fresh bread around here?
Me: Yeah. We've got a bakery on (I make a gesture indicating the direction) the other side of the store.
Customer: (turning to look directly behind her at the frozen seafood case) Where? Behind me? (She opens a door, revealing frozen shrimp) Where's the bread?
Me: Um... is on the other side of the store. You have to walk down this aisle.
Customer: Is this Wreckfish east coast or west coast Wreckfish?
Me: (gesturing to the sign that says “Local Item”) It’s local! We just got it in.
Customer: Sooooooo.....it’s......
Me: It’s east coast Wreckfish.
Customer: You really should put that on the sign. Might sell some more.
Customer: Do you do rotisserie chickens here?
Me: They do in the deli on the other side of the store.
Customer: We're not familiar with the store. Where is that?
Me: The deli is on the opposite side of the store.
Customer: We. Are. Not. Regular. Customers. Do you have a place with cooked foods like rotisserie chickens?!
Me: Yes, ma'am. The deli does. It is as far as you can walk that way, on the other side of the store from us.
Customer: You should have answered my question the first time.
Customer: Your ALASKAN salmon says its wild caught. But where is it from? Is it American?
Me: Um... its from Alaska.
(Blank stare)
Me: Yes, it's American.
Customer: Great! I'll take a pound.
Customer: I'll take a half of pound of shrimp.
Me: Sure! Here you go!
Customer: The tag says local. (The sign actually says Regional)
Me: Well, it's regional. It's coming out of Georgia.
Customer: (long pause) That's South Carolina, right?