Keep Digging

Customer: (looking at empty case) Where the hell is everything? I want seafood. 

Me: We’re not open yet, but I can get anything you need. I’m working to get the stuff out so we can open in two hours. 

Customer: Salmon. 

(I haven’t set up the fish yet, so I have to dig through several bins to find it.) 

Customer: Wait. How much is that a pound? 

(It’s a new sale, so I dig through the price tags to find the right one.) 

Me: It’s....$8.99. 

Customer: I’ll take it. 

(I hand him his salmon.)

Customer: You know, it would be a lot easier if that stuff was in the case. Don’t want to tell you your job, but all that searching around wastes time. 

And…Cut!

Customer: Can I get these hocks sliced.

Me: Um….we can’t really do that. They’re so small, there’s no leverage on the saw. They can flip. It’s not very safe.

Customer: (Eye roll) So you won’t cut them on your saw?

Me: (to coworker) You want to cut these hocks? I’m uncomfortable doing it.

Coworker: I’m not either. They’re too small. They’ll roll on the saw.

Customer: Just do it. Do I need to get a manager.

(We stand in silence for a little. It’s clear she’s not taking no for an answer. It’s uncomfortable. )

Me: Um….it’s gonna take a little time . Swing back by in five minutes.

(I cut them on the saw. They predictably roll and flip. I nick myself on the saw blade. -it’s not bad. I’ve had worse.)

Me: Here are your hocks.

Customer: And see you didn’t cut yourself. (Seeing the bandaid in my hand) Oh….you did cut yourself…..uh…..um….well, we’ll think of you when we eat these.

How Much Is That Shrimp In The Window

Customer: One pound of shrimp.  

Me: Sure thing!  

(I start putting shrimp in a bag. I stop to throw it on the scale to see where I’m at)  

Customer: Can I look at that?  

(I show him how much is in the bag) 

Customer: How much is that?  

Me: (putting it back on the scale) 3/4 of a pound.  

Customer: I wanted a pound.  

Me: I wasn’t finished yet.  

(I put some more shrimp in the bag) 

Customer:Okay.  That’s fine right there.  

(I put in on the scale to print a price) 

Customer: How much was it? 

Me: .87 of a pound.  

Customer: ONE POUND!! How hard is that?! 

Easy Come Easy Go

Customer: One pound of crab legs.

Me: Yes sir. (I start to sort through the crab legs for good looking ones)

Customer: Not that one. I want that one in front.

Me: (reaching towards the front) I can’t really see in the counter. This one?

Customer: NO! The front one. Damn.

(I get the crab legs priced. He takes them and throws a bill on the counter.)

Customer: Thanks.

(I pick up the HUNDRED DOLLAR BILL he left me.)

(He runs back over.)

Customer: Give that back!

(I hand him the hundred. He hands me a one dollar bill.)

Me: Have a nice day.

I See You

Customer: I want this crab leg.  

Me: You have to help me out a little. I can’t see through the case from back here.  

Customer: It’s right here. Where my hand is.  

Me: This one? I can’t see your hand.

Customer: I don’t know how else to describe it, dude. Better figure it out.

Me: The one to the left? Or the right? 

Customer: Left. Sorry. I should have just said that.  

Count On Me

Customer: I’d like 28 shrimp, please. 

(I start counting them out)  

Customer: What’s the difference between these crab cakes?  

Me: Just a second. 

Customer: Excuse me! What is the difference between these crab cakes? 

(I stop counting)  

Me: The ones on the left use all jumbo lump crab meat. 

Customer: Why aren’t you done with my shrimp?  

Me: Sorry.  

(I start counting again)  

Customer: How do I cook the monk fish?  

Snooze Button

Customer: I guess someone forgot to set their alarm.  

Me: What?  

Customer: Aww....somebody overslept.  

Me: I still don’t understand.  

Customer: Where is everything? You just get here? 

Me: The department doesn’t open for another 3 hours. We’re setting up now.  

Customer: Well.....you should have a sign.  

(I point to the sign, that is directly in front of her)  

Customer: Could you please get me some salmon out of the back...please.  

What Took So Long

Customer: I want 7 containers of your smoked salmon and I want each one to be $6.50. 

Me: Okay. It’s gonna take me like 5 or 6 minutes to weigh those out so I get the price right.  

(He walks away and returns like 90 seconds later)  

Customer: You’re still not done?!?? 

Me: I’m finishing up the last few right now.  

Customer: I can’t believe you’ve been doing this the whole time. I’m the customer! You’re supposed to take care of me! Don’t get distracted by other things, I was here first!! 

Busy Bee

Customer: I want a pound of ground chuck! Wait, where is it?  

Me: We don’t actually open for another two hours so it’s not in the case right now. I was actually getting ready to grind it. If you give me a minute, I can have it ready.  

Customer: I don’t have time to wait.  

Me: It won’t take long; I’m holding the grinder parts right now. Give me literally 60 seconds and I’ll have some done for you.  

Customer: I don’t have time! What does that even mean “you don’t open for another two hours?!” What makes it take so long?! 

Me: It takes time to cut and grind everything fresh every morning. I can get it for you right now  

Customer: I’m busy! 

(She storms off) 

HELP!

(I’m filling up the counter in my department)  

Customer: (One aisle over, screaming at the top of her lungs.) HELP!!!! SOMEONE PLEASE HELP!!!! OH GOD, I NEED HELP!!!!

(I run over to the aisle, because it sounds like someone is being attacked or that they fell and seriously hurt themselves.)  

Customer: HELP ME PLEASE.....(seeing me) Oh, good. I can’t reach this can of tomatoes. Can you reach it for me?  

Where’d I Lose You?

Customer: (staring at an empty counter with the lights turned out) Yo! Where’s your shrimp?  

Me: Well, sir, we don’t actually open for another 3 hours. I haven’t started setting seafood up yet. 

Customer: You got any fresh shrimp; I wanted a pound.  

Me: (Walking towards the back cooler) I haven’t started setting up yet, so I don’t know what I have in the back from last night. Let me go to the back and check for you. I should have some left.  

Customer: Damn, man! You can’t fucking go get me some?!? 

Me: Um...that’s what I’m doing. I just wanted to tell you that I had to check first. I don’t know what’s back there.  

Customer: You should open earlier.