One Word... Plastics

Customer: Where are your briskets?

Me: Right here!

Customer: That can't be right.

Me: What's wrong?

Customer: (looking at the vacuum packed Brisket and the vacuum packed eye of round beside it) No. No. No. No.

Me: I'm sorry?

Customer: Does all of your meat come like this?

Me: Like what?

Customer: In.....plastic?!?

Me: Um.....yes. All of our meat comes vacuum packed in plastic.

Customer: I don't think you can do that! That's not safe!

Me: Vacuum packaging ensures.....

Customer: I don't care about the vacuuming packaging...I care about the....the....plastic.

Me: It kinda has to be plastic if you want to seal out all of the air.

Customer: Well, maybe you should only get in what you need. Like one piece of the cow at a time.

No Bones About It

​Customer: I'd like a pound of shrimp.

Me: No problem.

Customer: These shrimp are boneless, right?

Me: Um.....yes. There are no bones in the shrimp.

Customer: (placing his hand on the counter) I'm serious, dude, there better not be any bones in these damn shrimp.

Me: Shrimp don't have bones, sir.

Customer: Look, man. I'm feeding these shrimp to a kid. I. Don't. Want. There. To. Be. Any. Bones.

Me: I 100% guarantee there aren't any bones in this shrimp.

Customer: Alrighty.

For The Love of Cod

Customer: What is this crab cake made of? Does it have blue crab in it?

Me: (double checking the sign in front) Um...those aren’t crab cakes. There cod cakes.

Customer: (reading sign that does indeed say “Cod Cakes”) Oh......what type of crab is cod?

Me: Cod is a fish.

Customer: (blank stare)

Me: Its a mild flakey fish.

Customer: Are they good?

Me: Yes, ma’am. They have a lot of dill in them, but I really like them.

Customer: What’s a dill?

Me: Um......a spice.

(Blank stare)

Customer: I think I’ll just get some crab cakes.

Let Me Count The Ways

Customer : You’re r lying to your customers. That sign says there are 51- 60 shrimp in a pound.  Those shrimp aren't 51/60 count.

Me: Uh....yes, ma'am they are. I can show you the box.

Customer: They're too big to be 51/60s. You're telling me 60 of those would make a pound? You're lying.

(I count out 15 shrimp and weigh them)

Me: That's 15. It's about a quarter of a pound. So four of those would be about a 60 shrimp.

Customer : Look, I'm a local. I go shrimping. There's no way there 50 or 60 of those in a pound.

(I count out 50, throw out on the scale, it's a little shy of a pound. I put on 8 more. It's now a pound)

Me: That's 58. A pound on the dot.

Customer: Wow. I could have sworn it wasn't that much.

Me: How much did you want?

Customer: Oh, I don't want any. (Walks away)

 

Dry Aged

(Guy comes to the meat counter, orders a top sirloin fillet.)

Me: Here’s your steak!

Customer: Great. I’ve been leaving this in my refrigerator for 2-3 weeks. It gets green and slimy. That’s dry-aging, right?

Me: Uhhh….no. To dry age something you need to control the humidity. That’s hard to do in a refrigerator.

Customer: So if it wasn’t dry aging, what was it doing?

Me: Um…..decomposing?

Customer: Oh. (long pause) I guess I should eat this soon. 

Me: I would.