Rare Shrimp
Customer: Are these shrimp cooked?
Me: No, ma'am. They're completely raw.
Customer: Okay......do I need to cook them?
Me: I'd recommend it.
Refrigerate After Opening
Customer: I bought a turkey a couple of days ago. I'm looking at your thermometer it says like 33. Does it have to stay at that temp?
Me: My cases run really cold. You don't have to do that; you just need to keep it refrigerated.
Customer: Crap. Really?
Me: Um....yes. It needs to be kept under refrigeration.
Customer: I've just had it sitting on my kitchen table.
Me: For two days!?
Customer: I put it in a freezer bag.
Started At The Bottom Now We’re Here
Customer: Give me the third one from the top.
Me: Which fish are you wanting. I can’t see where you’re pointing from here.
Customer: Salmon!
(I grab the third salmon from the top)
Customer: TOP!
(I reach down at the bottom of the case)
Me: You mean this one at the bottom?
Customer: I guess you would call that the bottom.
A Large One
Me: How can I help you?
Customer: I want a large one.
Me: A large what?
Customer: (Eye roll) Not. A. Small. Sized. One.
Me: I meant what did you want? You haven’t told me what type of fish.
Customer: (2nd eye roll) Jesus. Salmon!
Freshly Stormed
Customer: You got any fresh swordfish?
Me: No, sir. We haven’t gotten a fresh seafood shipment since the storm. I’ll be getting fresh stuff in tomorrow. I do have some frozen swordfish right here.
Customer: I don’t do frozen.
Me: I’m sorry. That’s all I have.
Customer: Jeez! (Eye roll)
Unprofessional
Customer: (looking at the near empty case) What happened? You guys waiting on a truck?
Me: Yes, sir. It’s on its way, but we don’t know when it’s going to get here.
Customer: That’s really unprofessional.
Comrades
Customer: What happened out here? It looks like Russia.
Me: We haven’t had a truck in 3 days and…..
(She shakes her head and walks away.)
What Happened?
Customer: You got any standing rib roasts?
Me: I don't have any with the bone in. I could do boneless.
Customer: Boneless? Well, that's pointless.
Me: I hear ya!
Customer: You sure don't have much today, do you?
Last Resort
(I'm walking up to the store. There's plywood on the windows, the lights are off, we are not open yet)
(Two guys in a BMW pull up, blaring Papa Roach music)
Customer: You guys aren't open.
Me: No. We have to go through a little before we're ready to serve customers.
Customer: Great! Where am I supposed to get my Starbucks?!
(they speed away, tires literally squealing)
No way, Hosana
Customer: Do you have any chicken wings?
(The entire meat case is empty. I'm working out of three carts to fill the two foot section I'm standing at)
Me: I don't know, yet. We're still working on figuring out what we have and what survived the storm. I won't know for a while.
Customer: (pointing to an item in my cart. ) What's that?
Me: Corned beef.
Customer: That's just what I wanted.
(She picks it up)
Customer: How much is it?
Me: There's a price tag on it.
Customer: Full price?
Me: Yes, ma'am.
Customer: (Throwing it back into the counter, not the cart she got it out of) I'm not paying full price. Uh uh. No I'm not, Hosana.
Storm Chops
Customer: Got any thicker pork chops?
Me: No, sir. I've already cut everything I had.
Customer: How can you be out of them?
Me: We didn't have much after the storm.
Customer: You should have ordered more. You know, life doesn't end just because there's a hurricane. It's ridiculous that I can't get the thick pork chops that I want.
Under Glass
Customer: I want some tenderloin steaks!
Me: I just cut some. They're in the counter.
Customers: I like the ones I pick out under the glass.
Me: I just cut those 30 mins ago. We're not setting up the "under the glass" stuff today. We're trying to get set back up after the hurricane.
Customer: I don't buy my steaks out of a pack. When the hell will the glass be set up?
Me: Probably not until tomorrow.
Customer: Fan-fucking-tastic
Getting Fresh
Customer: What time is your truck getting here tomorrow?
Me: They actually just told us we aren’t getting a truck tomorrow. This is everything we’ll have for the next few days.
Customer: But....but....but what if I want something fresher than all of this?
Never Thought About That
Customer: You guys will probably be open throughout the storm, right?
Me: Um....I imagine we'll close at some point.
Customer: Why?
Me: I mean, people have families and houses to be with.
Customer: Oh. I guess I never thought that about you guys.
Hurricane Essentials
Because of the storm, the lines are backed up to where I can see them from the meat department.
People are waiting in line for 45 mins- 1 hour.
A guy is standing in line, holding a bag of chips (single serving kind), a pumpkin (small, prepainted to look like a witch) and a sprite (8oz).
Hurricane Prep
Customer: Do you have anymore Alaskan salmon.
Me: I've got an entire pan here.
Customer: Anymore? I don't like the looks of these.
Me: That's everything I've got. We’ve been pretty busy today.
Customer: But there's a hurricane coming?!? This is absurd!
Serving Size
(A customer walks to the counter. Before I can even acknowledge her, she is looking around and frantically waving to get someone’s attention. I stop what I’m doing, and walk over)
Me: May I help you?
(She looks at the shrimp silently for awhile, without looking up at me)
Customer: Is this shrimp fresh?
Me: Yes, ma’am. Would you like some?
Customer: (still having a conversation with her friend across the aisle) Yeah. John was thinking about going.....
(She looks up and sees I’m waiting to hear her order. )
Customer: (to herself) Let’s see.....five people.....three shrimp per person.....hmmmm....(to me) Give me 20 shrimp.
(She walks away. I bag up and price her shrimp.)
(A little while later she walks back to the counter to grab her shrimp)
Customer: How many shrimp did you put in here?!?
Me: You asked for 20.
Customer: (to herself) five people....four per person.....(to me) Put five more shrimp in here.
(She walks away again. I open her bag, throw in 5 shrimp and reprice it)
(She returns again)
Customer: Better put five more shrimp in!
(She walks away. I put 5 more shrimp in. This time, I wait until she comes back- just in case she wants more)
(She looks at me waiting to reweigh her shrimp )
Customer: What are you waiting for?!?!?
Couple Goals
Customer: Can I have a couple of chicken breasts?
Me: Sure! (I put two chicken breasts in the bag and put it on the scale)
Customer: How many is that?
Me: Two.
Customer: I wanted three.
Me: Okay. (I put in another chicken breast.)
Customer: (Looking at weight) That’s not enough. Put a couple more in.
(I put in two more)
Customer: How many is that?
Me: Five.
Customer: I wanted four.
(I take out one of the breasts)
Feeling Crabby
Customer: Is this blue crab? It says red crab on the sign, but I think it’s blue crab.
Me: It's red crab.
Customer: Are you sure?
Me: Yes, ma'am.
Customer: You should make it more clear for your customers.
Tough Call
Customer: I can’t decide between the snapper and the cod.
Me: I recommend the snapper! I just got it in fresh this morning!
Customer:I don't like snapper .
Me: ....The cod is good too.
Customer: I'll take a pound.