What Happened?
Customer: You got any standing rib roasts?
Me: I don't have any with the bone in. I could do boneless.
Customer: Boneless? Well, that's pointless.
Me: I hear ya!
Customer: You sure don't have much today, do you?
Last Resort
(I'm walking up to the store. There's plywood on the windows, the lights are off, we are not open yet)
(Two guys in a BMW pull up, blaring Papa Roach music)
Customer: You guys aren't open.
Me: No. We have to go through a little before we're ready to serve customers.
Customer: Great! Where am I supposed to get my Starbucks?!
(they speed away, tires literally squealing)
No way, Hosana
Customer: Do you have any chicken wings?
(The entire meat case is empty. I'm working out of three carts to fill the two foot section I'm standing at)
Me: I don't know, yet. We're still working on figuring out what we have and what survived the storm. I won't know for a while.
Customer: (pointing to an item in my cart. ) What's that?
Me: Corned beef.
Customer: That's just what I wanted.
(She picks it up)
Customer: How much is it?
Me: There's a price tag on it.
Customer: Full price?
Me: Yes, ma'am.
Customer: (Throwing it back into the counter, not the cart she got it out of) I'm not paying full price. Uh uh. No I'm not, Hosana.
Storm Chops
Customer: Got any thicker pork chops?
Me: No, sir. I've already cut everything I had.
Customer: How can you be out of them?
Me: We didn't have much after the storm.
Customer: You should have ordered more. You know, life doesn't end just because there's a hurricane. It's ridiculous that I can't get the thick pork chops that I want.
Under Glass
Customer: I want some tenderloin steaks!
Me: I just cut some. They're in the counter.
Customers: I like the ones I pick out under the glass.
Me: I just cut those 30 mins ago. We're not setting up the "under the glass" stuff today. We're trying to get set back up after the hurricane.
Customer: I don't buy my steaks out of a pack. When the hell will the glass be set up?
Me: Probably not until tomorrow.
Customer: Fan-fucking-tastic
Getting Fresh
Customer: What time is your truck getting here tomorrow?
Me: They actually just told us we aren’t getting a truck tomorrow. This is everything we’ll have for the next few days.
Customer: But....but....but what if I want something fresher than all of this?
Never Thought About That
Customer: You guys will probably be open throughout the storm, right?
Me: Um....I imagine we'll close at some point.
Customer: Why?
Me: I mean, people have families and houses to be with.
Customer: Oh. I guess I never thought that about you guys.
Hurricane Essentials
Because of the storm, the lines are backed up to where I can see them from the meat department.
People are waiting in line for 45 mins- 1 hour.
A guy is standing in line, holding a bag of chips (single serving kind), a pumpkin (small, prepainted to look like a witch) and a sprite (8oz).
Hurricane Prep
Customer: Do you have anymore Alaskan salmon.
Me: I've got an entire pan here.
Customer: Anymore? I don't like the looks of these.
Me: That's everything I've got. We’ve been pretty busy today.
Customer: But there's a hurricane coming?!? This is absurd!
Serving Size
(A customer walks to the counter. Before I can even acknowledge her, she is looking around and frantically waving to get someone’s attention. I stop what I’m doing, and walk over)
Me: May I help you?
(She looks at the shrimp silently for awhile, without looking up at me)
Customer: Is this shrimp fresh?
Me: Yes, ma’am. Would you like some?
Customer: (still having a conversation with her friend across the aisle) Yeah. John was thinking about going.....
(She looks up and sees I’m waiting to hear her order. )
Customer: (to herself) Let’s see.....five people.....three shrimp per person.....hmmmm....(to me) Give me 20 shrimp.
(She walks away. I bag up and price her shrimp.)
(A little while later she walks back to the counter to grab her shrimp)
Customer: How many shrimp did you put in here?!?
Me: You asked for 20.
Customer: (to herself) five people....four per person.....(to me) Put five more shrimp in here.
(She walks away again. I open her bag, throw in 5 shrimp and reprice it)
(She returns again)
Customer: Better put five more shrimp in!
(She walks away. I put 5 more shrimp in. This time, I wait until she comes back- just in case she wants more)
(She looks at me waiting to reweigh her shrimp )
Customer: What are you waiting for?!?!?
Couple Goals
Customer: Can I have a couple of chicken breasts?
Me: Sure! (I put two chicken breasts in the bag and put it on the scale)
Customer: How many is that?
Me: Two.
Customer: I wanted three.
Me: Okay. (I put in another chicken breast.)
Customer: (Looking at weight) That’s not enough. Put a couple more in.
(I put in two more)
Customer: How many is that?
Me: Five.
Customer: I wanted four.
(I take out one of the breasts)
Feeling Crabby
Customer: Is this blue crab? It says red crab on the sign, but I think it’s blue crab.
Me: It's red crab.
Customer: Are you sure?
Me: Yes, ma'am.
Customer: You should make it more clear for your customers.
Tough Call
Customer: I can’t decide between the snapper and the cod.
Me: I recommend the snapper! I just got it in fresh this morning!
Customer:I don't like snapper .
Me: ....The cod is good too.
Customer: I'll take a pound.
Real Job
Customer :Do you have any London Broils?
Me: I’m sorry, sir. I'm out right now. I’ll have some tomorrow, but I don’t have any right now.
Customer : That's fucking great! What the fuck are we going to eat now?
His wife: Honey, it's okay. Don't talk to him like that.
Customer : Fuck that. If he doesn't want to be talked too like this, he'd have a real job.
Where Am I?
Customer: (looking around the meat department) Do you guys have fresh bread around here?
Me: Yeah. We've got a bakery on (I make a gesture indicating the direction) the other side of the store.
Customer: (turning to look directly behind her at the frozen seafood case) Where? Behind me? (She opens a door, revealing frozen shrimp) Where's the bread?
Me: Um... is on the other side of the store. You have to walk down this aisle.
Seeing Red
Customer: What do you put on your steaks to make it red?
Me: We don’t put anything on it.
Customer: Why is it so red?
Me: It turns red when it reacts with the air.
Customer: When I get meat in restaurants, it’s brown.
Me: It turns brown when you cook it.
(He looks at me skeptically)
Customer: Are you sure? I don’t think so.
To Go Order
Customer: I want to put these shrimp in an Alfredo sauce. Would they work?
Me: Of course!
Customer: Could I use these clams too? I’ve never cooked clams before.
(I spend a few minutes explaining to him how to cook them, what else to add to the sauce, etc. I take him over to the spice aisle and get him everything he needs)
Customer: Thanks, man!
Me: Have a good day!
(Five minutes later the Customer Service Clerk walks back)
Clerk: Did you help the guy with the seafood and all the sauces and stuff?
Me: I did.
Clerk: He shoved all that stuff into his book bag and left without paying.
Weight Of The World
Customer: One pound of shrimp, please.
Me: Yes, ma’am!
(I bag up some shrimp. It weighs 1.02 lbs)
Customer: I said a pound. I don’t want more than that.
(I pull out a shrimp. It now weighs .99 lbs)
Customer: Are you deaf?! One pound!
(I try shrimp after shrimp until I get one that brings the total to one pound even)
Customer: It shouldn’t have been that hard.
The Boss
(A man walks to the counter.)
Me: Can I help you with anything?
Customer: No. I need to wait and check with the boss.
Me: Alright. After you check with the boss, let me know what I can get you.
(I go back to work)
Coworker: How can I help you?
Customer: I’m waiting for my wife.
(He goes back to work. )
(A few seconds later his wife, “The Boss” walks up. She she’s her husband waiting by the counter)
The Boss: (gesturing in disbelief at my coworker and me) Is anybody helping you?!?!
Customer: No. I wanted....
The Boss: Hello!!!! Can we get some damn help here?!?!?!
Me: (running over) I’m sorry, ma’am. I asked your husband if he needed help.
Customer: He asked. I was waiting for you.
Me: What can I get you?
(The Boss then spends 40 seconds looking over the case and talking with her husband. I stand there; I don’t dare walk away)
The Boss: Do you have hamburger that’s leaner than this?
Me: I do in the counter out there. It’s already priced, you can grab whatever you want.
(She storms off with her husband trailing behind. )
Eenie Meenie Miney Mo
Customer: How many shrimp are in a pound?
Me: There's about 30-40 in a pound.
Customer: Okay. I'll take a pound please.
(I start getting the shrimp)
Customer: Wait! Wait! Wait! I haven't told you which shrimp I wanted.
Me: I'm sorry. I thought you were pointing to this shrimp here in the middle.
Customer: That's right. But I haven't told you which shrimp yet. There's one sitting here near the front that I want.
(I try to reach the shrimp she's pointing at. Keep in mind because of the glass, I can't really tell where she is pointing)
Customer: No. Not that one. To the left. No. My left. Yes, that one. Now near the back is another one I want. It's kinda pointed to the left.
(After she hand selects each shrimp, I put the bag on the scale.)
Me: It's a little over a pound.
Customer: Take five shrimp out.
(I reach into the bag.)
Customer: Wait! Wait! dump them out, so I can tell you which five I'd like to lose.