Real Stories. Real Customers. Real Funny.
(A woman wearing an N-95 mask literally walks back into my department while I had my back turned, washing a knife.)
Customer: Hellllooooo! Do y’all have any whole chickens?
Me: I’m sorry ma’am but if there are none in the case, I’m out.
(She keeps walking towards me, even though I’m moving back to keep it at 6ft.)
Customer: Well that’s unusual.
Me: It’s not that unusual lately.
Customer: Really? Weird! I wonder why....
(She walks away.)
Customer: (on phone) I used the Shift app yesterday and I’m not happy with the product I got. The ribeye was not at thick as I like, the asparagus could have been fresher, and they brought the wrong type of shrimp.
Me: I’m sorry ma’am. We can cut to whatever thickness you like-
Customer: That’s not good enough!! Shift brought me the wrong stuff! It’s unacceptable!
Me: Again, I apologize, but the people that shop for Shift aren’t store employees. There isn’t much I can do.
Customer: I want your corporate number. Me: Sure. Hold on.
Customer: You get any of the meatloaf mix in?
Me: No, sir. I’m sorry.
Customer: Are you sure they’re remembering to order it?
Me: We’re ordering it every truck, but our supply line isn’t back to 100% yet.
Customer: Why not? What’s going on?
Customer: Which sausage is the kind you use for breakfast? The Italian sausage? Or breakfast sausage?
(The store has been opening an hour early so that senior citizens can shop.)
Customer: Why don’t you have any chickens?!
Me: My truck isn’t here yet.
Customer: You should get your trucks early!
Me: They used to come in at 5am, but the neighborhood complained about hearing the trucks. They threatened to stop shopping if we didn’t change it. Now they can’t come in before 8.
Customer: ….I remember voting in favor of that..
Customer: I want two 6oz sirloin fillets.
Me: I’ll have to cut them. Give me like five minutes.
(Later)
Me: Here are your fillets.
Customer: Are those 8oz?
Me: I thought you said 6oz.
Customer: Those are too small.
Me: I can cut them. Give me five more minutes.
Customer: (sigh) I guess.
Customer: How much are these crab cakes?
Me: I can’t see where you’re pointing. Which one do you mean?
Customer: The $2.49 one.
Customer: Where’s the guacamole?
Me: That’s over in produce.
Customer: They just sent me over here!
Me: I don’t have stuff like that over here. It’s in produce.
Customer: I was just there! The place with all the bread!
Me: That’s the bakery. Produce is the place with the vegetables. Right there.
Customer: Okay.
Not everyone is mean:
Customer: Thank you for working.
Customer: I know this has been tough on you. Thank you for coming into work.
Customer: I appreciate everything you guys have done since this started.
Customer: Think of all the families you’re feeding. Thank you for working so hard.
Customer: You’re keeping the world together. You’re as vital as doctors and firefighters. Thank you.
Customer: (on phone) You got any chicken?
Me: Yes! I finally got a truck in. How much do you need?
Customer: How much do you got?
Me: (sigh- sorry couldn’t help it) Sir, again, how much do you need?
Customer: Well, there’s six of us, so 40 breasts.
Customer: I was just at your other store an hour ago and they had plenty of hamburger. Why don’t you have any?
Me: We didn’t get a truck today, and currently, our trucks are only coming in with so much. If you don’t mind me asking, why didn’t you buy it at the other store?
Customer: Wasn’t really shopping then. Just wanted to get out of the house and walk around a bit.
Me: How can I help you?
Customer: I don’t need anything. I was bored and wanted to get out of the house.
Customer: I’ll trade you a roll of toilet paper for a chuck roast.
Customer: (comes to the counter and looks around) You still selling this salmon?
Me: Um...yes.
Customer: Never can tell anymore. You guys don’t have much.
Me: If you see it, I’m selling it.
Customer: I don’t see any chuck roasts.
Me: I’m out.
Customer: Darn.
Customer: (looking at half empty shelves and tons of people in the store) Your truck late?
Me: No. We aren’t getting one today.
Customer: Someone should lose their job over that.
Customer: Uh...you sure don’t have much.
Me: I’m sorry, sir. Our orders are getting cut in half. The virus stuff has kinda thrown us out of wack.
Customer: Hmmm...I was under the impression that trucks couldn’t catch that virus. You should have planned better.
(The department is closed, We’ve done record business, we’re out of a lot of stuff, and I’m leaving for the day.)
Customer: (To other customer) Wow. They didn’t restock anything today did they? That’s not good business.
Customer: Is this shrimp fresh?
Me: No, ma’am. It’s been frozen. Customer: I don’t want frozen.
Me: I’m very sorry. That’s all I have.
Customer: Awwww is someone feelwing stwessed out?
Customer: (Not looking at me or the counter) I want some chicken breasts.
Me: I’m sorry, but I’m all out.
Customer: (Still not looking at me or the counter) I’ll take two.
Me: I’m sorry. I don’t have any.
Customer: What?! What’s going on?!
Customer: Where’s your split chicken breasts?
Me: I’m all out. We’re only getting in about half of what we ordered and people are buying it up quickly.
Customer: That’s shitty! Don’t know if you heard, but there’s an outbreak going on! (He storms away)